If you asked ten dating experts the same questions about love and dating, you could end up with ten different versions of an answer. Does that mean some answers are wrong, while the other is right? No. What it means is that there are no true magical rules for every situation. We are all very different as people. Likewise, every flirtation or dating situation is different.
There are no black and white rules when it comes to human emotion. My advice about advice? Listen to it, but don’t feel like every rule must be followed. Some rules are made to be broken, or at least bent, including:
1. You Can’t Make the First Move
This is one of the most frustrating “rules” in the proverbial book. Yes, I agree that the majority of men want to be the hunters, and that women should let the guys lead. It’s biology. However, there are exceptions and workarounds. An exception is a guy that is painfully shy. He will likely never make that move.
Does that mean you should ignore him and doom the poor fella to a life of solitude? No way. Go up and say hi! You don’t have to ask him out, but you can initiate the conversation and suggest seeing each other again. There is a way to make the first move without being aggressive. Is the guy not so shy, but still isn’t making a move?
You can connect without working so hard. A smile and eye contact IS a first move. Check him out, lock eyes for 2 seconds, and smile. Voila! A first move that lets him know he probably wont be rejected, but doesn’t force you to actually approach. It’s a win-win.
2. No Sex Before the Third Date
First of all, who made this arbitrary three-date rule anyway? Because that is what it is, arbitrary. I have done man panels across the country, where I asked guys about how they felt about some of these “rules”, including when to have sex. What I found was that while sex on the first date wasn’t considered the best move (if you want the guy to respect you), setting random restrictions on when you would become intimidate wasn’t the way to go either.
I have seen relationships that become serious and committed from the start. Staying over his place before the third date wouldn’t have made a difference in the longevity of the couple. It really becomes a decision about what you want, what you can handle, and the situation you are in. If you want a relationship, and know that you can become easily attached to someone you sleep with, than don’t do it until you feel secure that you are exclusive and committed. If you are interested in a casual relationship and don’t find yourself becoming attached from intimacy, then go for it. Only you can make the call based on the variables.
3. Never Call a Guy
Oh please, what is this, the 50’s? As I mentioned above, I am a proponent of letting the guy lead, which means not being the initiator of every conversation. You won’t know if he is truly interested if you are always doing the work. However, if you do NONE of the work, he may end up feeling resentful that the onus is on him every time. Keep it limited, but if you have a fun event to invite him to or wanted to see how his big meeting went, go for it.