Unfortunately, much of the most common break up advice for women sounds helpful, but can ultimately prevent you from making room for new love in your life.
Since that’s the LAST thing I want for you, I’ve put together a Dating with Dignity countdown of the top six worst pieces of advice floating around out there, and how you can re-adjust and get on the right path to move forward.
6. “Focus On the Bad Stuff!”
What You Should Do: Think constructively.
This common bit of break up advice lands the number six spot, because focusing on the less than desirable parts of the relationship can keep you from idealizing it. But focusing too much on aspects of your recently-ended relationship in a purely negative context can taint how you perceive men in the long term.
When you catch yourself dwelling, re-frame your thinking to focus on how that will not have a place in your next relationship. This mindset will prevent you from becoming jaded while helping you to maintain a realistic perspective on your past.
5. “Distract Yourself With Someone New!”
What You Should Do: Allow yourself time to heal.
While this may sound satisfying in the short term, it won’t let you form a healthy relationship with whoever you’ve jumped into a new relationship with. Take time after your break up to work through the painful feelings, and reflect on what you really want in your next one. It may feel lonely at first, but is essential to a healthy future love life.
4. “Wait It Out! He’ll Come Around!”
What You Should Do: Move on.
If either of you had enough of a problem in the relationship to end it, odds are it won’t work out in the future either. Especially if he was the one to end things, your mission to move on should begin as soon as you’ve given yourself a few days to grieve. Even if he DOES eventually come around, he’ll be coming around to a much stronger, independent woman who doesn’t have room in her life for a past relationship.
3. “Tell Everyone How Much He Sucks!”
What You Should Do: Take the high road.
While venting can be therapeutic, talking trash about your ex to a mutual friend or on social media is never a good look. Not only does it prove to everyone that you’re not over it, doing so paints you as a desperate and bitter ex. No matter how hurt you are by his actions, keep any talk about him, to anyone other than close friends, diplomatic and brief.
2. “You Can Always Stay Friends!”
What You Should Do: Keep the old.
Keeping an ex in your life as a friend can be a comforting thought when faced with singledom, but there are a number of things wrong with this. Were you ever JUST friends before you started dating? Even if you were, the romantic relationship that just ended changes everything. Being truly casual friends with an ex is a near impossibility and will likely ward off future boyfriends.
If this isn’t enough to persuade you, think long and hard about ways you would honestly benefit from keeping him around as a friend. Can’t think of anything? Surround yourself with your current friends (unless they gave you this bad advice) and keep him in the past – where he belongs.
1. “Just shoot him a text!”
What You Should Do: Go cold turkey.
One of the fundamental ways to recover from a break up is to establish a concrete 90-day no contact policy. Though I’ve heard many women assuring heartbroken friends that one little text won’t hurt, I can assure you just as strongly that even the briefest contact will keep intense post-break up feelings poignant.
A period of absolutely zero contact will give you both the space you need to allow your hearts and minds to reset from the emotional trauma and let some clarity settle in. It may seem overwhelming at first, but I can promise if you take it day by day, you’ll have a healthier perspective in no time!
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