Archive for Q and A tag

How Can I Stop Missing When a Guy Flirts With Me?

man woman flirting smallHeather  from Albuquerque asks:

“My family tells me I often miss when guys are flirting with me. How do I tell when a guy is interested and how can I encourage more interaction?”



Hi Heather:

My first piece of advice to you is to stop identifying yourself as someone who “misses flirtations”. If you say this too much it can actually become more of a crutch and then eventually, an excuse. Really, 5 years from now, do you still want to have the reputation of being clueless or do you want to be a woman who tunes in and responds, eventually leading herself to a successful relationship?

Start saying to yourself, ‘I’m going to consistently look for instances where men are flirting with me’. They will start to reveal themselves.

Things you want to start looking for are:

  • Lingering glances – do you catch him checking you out?
  • Body Clues – does he touch his head a lot when he’s around you or shuffle his feet?
  • TouchyFeely – does he go out of his way to touch your arm when talking?
  • Teasing – is he consistently teasing you in a fun way?
  • Inquisitive – does he ask you a lot of questions about yourself?

These are some super basic things to start looking for to help you get those blinders off. They don’t necessarily mean he is absolutely flirting with you however, they are all actions that men will exhibit when flirting.

Once you notice he is flirting or you think he might be flirting, shift into active encouragement. Don’t worry about flirting back just yet, just be an active recipient who is charming and receives well from men.

Have fun, that is what flirting is all about!




How Long Should I Wait to Date Again?

hands holding heart smallDebbie from Albuquerque asks:

“How long do you recommend someone wait to start dating after separation and then after a divorce is finalized? Been separated from my husband 2.5 yrs and divorced 6 months. Is there a formula? I heard it depends on how many years married. Is this right?”


Hi Debbie,

This all comes down to personal preference. For some, they won’t even think of going on a date with someone who is separated whereas others don’t have a problem with it at all. Dating someone who is separated doesn’t itself generally cause problems, it is moreso dating someone who is separated-with-no-definite-plans-to-divorce that I see problems arise. You venture into the dangerous waters of getting caught up in the potential of the relationship, not the reality. You end up placing yourself right in the middle of a time of transition.

Separation and divorce are complicated and emotional but so are relationships. Do you want to bring in the unfinished business of your past relationship into a new one or do you want to clean up your past relationship before you move on?

Before getting too involved with someone who is separated, ask them what their exact divorce plans are. If they shuffle around and provide a list of complications then back-off and give the budding relationship some time to breathe.

If you are the one who is separated, then it really doesn’t matter how long you’ve officially been separated, it matters more that you are living separately and leading separate lives. And most importantly, you are gathering the paperwork and putting together the plan to divorce. This will put the person you are dating at ease because they know it is only a matter of waiting a year before a divorce can be finalized.

There is no formula and it doesn’t matter how long you were married. Many people emotionally separate long before they physically move out.




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