When trying to sort out where a man falls on the scale of “Just Sex vs. Settling Down,” how can you know if he’s into you as a complete package or into your body and what it can do for his package? To give you a leg up on the situation, here are a few clues that will allow you to discern when a guy is seeing you as “convenient” instead of “commitment.”
- He spends more money on you when he’s looking to get laid.
Most single guys know that they have to give something to get some. But when a guy thinks it’s all about the stuff he gets a woman or the places he takes her, he is likely not looking for a relationship. More probable? He’s hoping to buy his way into more sex.
Pay particular attention to this clue if you realize that a guy you’re seeing starts spending more and more on you, but then always seems to expect a reward (i.e. getting in your pants) in exchange for his generosity. Romance doesn’t involve getting a credit card limit raised to buy flowers, candy, and diamond “Just Because” necklaces.
Presents are wonderful, but not when there is expectation attached to the gift card. A man who is looking for more than just sex will recognize this and will not try to give a woman “things” as a substitute for the support, security and love she really craves.
- He ogles other women even though he’s “with” you.
No doubt if you’re dating a guy, there are times when he’s affectionate and attentive and all over you. And you love it (as you should). But honestly ask yourself if those times are more-often-than-not followed by sex.
Also, what happens when you’re out and intercourse is not gonna happen anytime soon? Do you notice his eyes wandering to the girls at the next table, the waitress in the too-short skirt or even the TV where some hot Beyonce video is playing and half-dressed pretty-young-things are shimmying all over the screen?
It’s normal for both of you to occasionally check out the opposite sex. Like the saying says, you’re taken, not dead. Attractive people are eye-catching. But if your man lets his eye wander a little too much when he’s with you or even ignores you in order to take a gander at some chick’s great set of gams well…then the signs are pretty clear he’s after booty and you’re part of that plan but not likely the “end” of it.
- He wants sex when he wants it.
And doesn’t really seem to care if you’re in the mood, or if you’re satisfied during the act. If sex is the goal and a woman is the ticket to “ride” then that is where a sex-emotion separatist will forget about the feelings of the woman involved.
It takes two to tango but if you find that the man you’re with is all about his pleasure and forgets that you’re in his proverbial bed as well, then…it’s likely he’s not thinking of you as someone he also cherishes and adores. A man looking for a relationship will understand if you really do have a headache or are exhausted from a rough day at work. Sex is a PART of a real relationship, not all of it.
- He always has an excuse to delay “forever” talk. It’s his job, his family responsibilities, his student loan, his new dog, his apartment issues, his…whatever. You get the picture. A man who is not even willing to entertain the idea of future is one that is not looking for a real relationship.
Chatting about what you want in life and your “someday” wishes is an important part of a couple’s development. If you are being deprived of that blissful state of duo-dreaming, then it’s likely he’s only thinking as far as your next sack session, which really doesn’t give you much to build a relationship on.
- He won’t say the “L” word. Even when you’ve been together for a significant amount of time! Everyone has their own meter for when they’re ready to say “I Love You” (and mean it). But if a man can’t say it outside of the bedroom (either pre- or post-coitus) after you’ve been exclusively dating for say 6-8 months, it’s likely not you he’s in love with…it’s the sex he’s in love with.
So, what happens if you’ve realized that the man you’re seeing is all about sex? You could move on or conversely, you could stick it out for a while longer and see if anything changes. But you have to make one pivotal change yourself –you have to agree that you will only have sex when you feel like it.
No more having sex to “keep your man.” His reaction to your self-commitment will give you the knowledge you need to ultimately decide if you should stay, or if you should go.
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