Should We Date Carbon Copies of Ourselves?

girl smiling at boy smallConventional wisdom holds that opposites attract. But do they really? What about the many experts that say we’re commonly attracted to people who share characteristics similar to our own?

Let’s examine whether or not we should really be dating carbon copies of ourselves. After all, dating psychology has a lot to do with relationship success.

The Scenario

You find this great new guy. The two of you look spectacular together.

He’s tall, with black hair and blue eyes. He’s ruggedly handsome; a man’s man, yet funny and nice to everyone. Oh yeah, he likes beer and wrestling.

You’re blonde and petite. Chic and sexy. Secretly maybe not so nice to everyone? You adore red wine and the theatre — a seemingly perfect Yin to his Yang.

You date. It becomes a relationship. Maybe there’s even more down the road? The two of you are so different, yet there’s some attraction, some magnetic pull…

But how long until the magnet flips and all those little differences that seemed so sweet in the beginning start to feel repellent?

Let’s look at it differently.

There’s that couple you’ve seen in your neighborhood a few times. They both have practically the same brown wavy hair, hers thankfully a little bouncier than his. Take away her heels and they’re the same height. I bet if you gave him a makeover and a stuffed bra he could even pass for her (well, in a dark room maybe). Moreover, you’ve caught them a few times wearing practically the same outfit!

Yet they look so happy, holding hands and smiling. Why is it going so right?

Well, superficial as it may sound, it may be time to stop looking for Mr. Right and start looking for Mr. Me.

Look back at your reflection.

They’re out there in greater numbers than you might think: couples who not only enjoy doing the same things, but also in more ways than one actually look like each other.

Lindsay Brayshaw, who works at Toronto sex toy and lingerie shop Miss BeHavin’, was taken aback by the concept of look-alike couples, but eventually came around. “Yes, come to think of it, you’re right! I’ve definitely seen that a lot. Some couples even look like brother and sister. Of course they’re not, but you think it.”

I’ve spoken to several couples who fit this bill, and the “Hey did you realize you two look a lot alike” revelation is generally a surprise.

My co-worker, Suzanne, for example, paused, thought about it and then cast a critical eye towards the photo of her boyfriend on her desk. She noticed the hair color, the body type, the smile… and I could see the wheels start spinning in high gear. She knew there was so much they liked to do together, and now she saw there was a whole other subconscious level to their attraction.

Suzanne and her man are into rock ‘n’ roll. Seeing a live, loud show is the stuff good times are made of. And when they stand together and hold hands with their matching black attire and devilish grins you wouldn’t be able to think anything but ‘watch out for those two.’

Noah Fallis, photographer and web designer, in his comical, amicable way laughed, made a funny face and said, “Huh, well, I knew there was something weird about her!”

Noah and his gal are at home on a trail in the mountains. They’ll have burping contests and go streaking through the woods. Put those naked love birds side by side and they’re two skinny string beans looking for a pod.

What’s your type?

These couples have found happiness in who they’re with, and perhaps now another piece of the puzzle of why it works so well has dropped into place.

Having a “type” is no new concept. I’m sure you have a type, right? So do this for me. Stand in front of the mirror, and think about your type. Is it staring back at you? If not, you may want to consider breaking the mould and resetting from you.

Another concept in dating is finding someone “in your league.” You know what you look like. You know your body pretty darn good. You know your likes and dislikes. Yet when you date out of your league people aren’t saying “What a great match,” they’re saying “How the hell did that happen?” Not a recipe for success.

So the next time you meet someone new and find yourself saying, “There’s something familiar you about you,” remember, perhaps, familiarity may actually breed content.


By Nathan Ciprick

Lavalife About Lavalife is one of the original players in the online dating game. Committed to helping its members find fun dates and relationships, Lavalife is a prime source for online dating, dating and relationship advice.

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