My Boyfriend Has Been Texting His Ex. Should I Confront Him?

Jazmin from London asks…Lava365 Ask the Expert

I’ve seen my boyfriend’s phone receive a few texts from his ex recently. My boyfriend was going through a tough time with his dad and I think he might’ve asked his ex for advice. Why would he go to her for counselling? They dated a long time ago and I’ve been with him for 2 years. It’s hurtful to think I’m not giving him enough support or that his ex is giving him more than I can. Should I confront him about it?

Dear Jazmin,

Overall, I wouldn’t be worried about him getting advice from an ex. Depending on the complexity of the situation, it’s very normal for people to get several opinions on things they are dealing with.

However, the thing that stands out to me the most is that you seem to have trust issues with your boyfriend in general. You said you “saw his phone”, and this leads me to think that he didn’t openly tell you that he is still communicating with his ex. It appears to me that you may have a bigger issue than just the ex. Which part are you confronting him with? Still talking to her or not confiding in you that he’s talking to her?

Some couples break up and remain good friends, and it absolutely means nothing that they are still in communication. You need to address your trust issues with him. Has he ever done anything to make you feel you can’t trust him? Are you the kind of girlfriend who throws things in his face that are hurtful when you are angry?

Sometimes the answer lies within, but looking at ourselves isn’t always the easiest thing to do. To share intimate things we are going through with someone else requires trust both ways. He has to feel he can trust you with his feelings.

So, I would not bring up him talking to his ex as much as I would ask him if he feels “safe” to share his inner most thoughts and feelings with you. Make sure you are doing your part, too, to protect that trust once it has been given.

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