I’ve Been Told I’m Too Intimidating to Guys. Should I Tone it Down?

Sophia from Winnipeg asks:Q&A: I've been called intimidating. Should I tone it down?

I’ve been told by some of my friends I can be a bit bossy. I know I have a strong personality, but men don’t like this. What are ways I can peel it back a notch without losing my personality? I don’t want someone to think I can be stepped on but I do appreciate a man who recognizes my independence.


First of all, it’s certainly not fair to say that men generally dislike strong personalities. Like I always say: there’s a man out there who will love you for all of you, even your sassy quirks. That said, there could be certain ways you interact that others see as abrasive, and it’s important you know what those behaviors look like.

Have you ever tried asking the friends who’ve given you this feedback for specific examples of your “bossiness” that have bothered them in the past? It may be hard to hear, but ultimately it will help you learn to recognize these moments and keep yourself in check when you find yourself tempted to control the situation.

When you start to domineer a date, pause and ask yourself, “Would it really be the worst thing if I let him make some of the decisions tonight?” You’ll more than likely find yourself having an unexpectedly great time doing something you wouldn’t have initially chosen.

If letting go of control is something you continue to struggle with, it may make all the difference to simply state the obvious. If you feel him recoil, saying something such as “Sorry, I know I can be a little bossy sometimes,” shows your humility and will let him in a little.

In the end, don’t worry too much about being a doormat; if you’re as fiercely independent as you sound, you most certainly have a well-defined set of boundaries that you won’t let any man cross no matter how amazing he may seem. Continue to embrace who you are and love will find you!

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