Me and my girlfriend (Tish) have been dating for 5 months. We’re both in our early 30s and went into the relationship not really knowing where it was headed, but now I think she is the one for me. My guy friends say it’s too soon to propose or get married, but I just KNOW she is the one. I don’t know if I can wait anymore I am so excited. Is 5 months too early to get engaged?
I’m less concerned about the timeline than I am about the apparent one-sidedness of this desire to suddenly get married. This unexplained urgency that’s only based on “I’m too excited to wait” is unstable and insufficient to sustain anything lasting.
What happens when you’re not excited anymore? What happens when it hits the fan – which is inevitable in any and all marriages – and life isn’t a sexy romance all day every day?
You haven’t even been through all the seasons of a year together yet – birthdays, family functions, job troubles, health issues, friends and “frennemies”. You haven’t seen each other at your worst yet. You don’t know how your girlfriend is in other environments. You have no idea if you have compatible strategies for handling adversity.
Without that kind of compatibility, the likelihood that your marriage will last longer than a few years is slim. Take your time, invest the effort, get substantive pre-marital counseling to shine some light on your critical blind spots that the romance is clouding your view of. Your wedding will be much more meaningful if you actually prepare for the marriage first and foremost.
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