Is Your Love Life like Groundhog Day?

Is your love life like Groundhog day?In Bill Murray’s classic comedy, Groundhog Day, a cranky weatherman is forced to re-live the same day over and over again — February 2, Groundhog Day, in Punxsutawney, PA.

No matter what he does during the day, when he goes to sleep at night, he awakens every morning at 6:00 am to “I’ve Got You Babe” blaring on the clock radio.

It’s the same goofball morning show, and of course, the same Punxsutawney Phil. It seems no matter what weatherman Phil Connors (Murray) does – from kidnapping Phil the Groundhog to landing himself in jail – he wakes up every day at the same time, right back in his same hotel room, doomed to live Groundhog Day yet again.

For a lot of people, dating is like Groundhog Day. We find ourselves attracted to the same type of person over and over again, and end up smack in the same relationship issues, boyfriend after boyfriend, girlfriend after girlfriend. In other words, we keep dating the same person over and over again.

Your new boyfriend or girlfriend may wear different clothes, have a different job, and have a different name, but basically, they’re the same old groundhog.

I had several years of groundhog dating back in college. Every guy who asked me out, dated me or even kissed me at a party was either a lawyer or in law school. Now, contrary to what you might think, I was not trolling the local bar association for eligibles. I met them everywhere.

They sang to me and bought me drinks in New Orleans, shared their pretzels on airplanes, and once, consoled me at a veterinary office while I was waiting for my cat to lose his manhood. After a year or so of lawyers, lawyers, lawyers, I noticed the pattern and tried to avoid lawyers. No luck. My run-ins with the law (students) continued for another two years.

Dating the same person over and over doesn’t have to mean they’ll all have the same profession. How many times have you thought to yourself, “Why do I always attract the chronic cheaters/nose pickers/Southpark freaks?” There’s a reason. And here it is: Because that’s what you’re looking for, whether you know it or not.

We subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) seek out the same types of people over and over again. Sometimes it’s because we’re trying to solve some problem from our childhood (like a woman whose father left when she was young, constantly seeking out married, gay or other unavailable men), sometimes we feel a certain type will be the best fit for us, and sometimes, we’re just not learning our lesson.

 

 

As my good friend, author Lisa Earle McLeod (Forget Perfect) likes to say, “The common denominator in all of your failed relationships is YOU.”

The problem with dating the exact same type of person over and over again is that you’ll have the exact same issues over and over again. Which is bound to get tedious after a while. If your relationship with version number one of your time-challenged/ fidelity- challenged/cash-challenged beau didn’t work out, why in the world would you think it would work out with Replacement #17, or Replacement #33? Same issues, same problems.

There are two ways to break out of the rut of Groundhog Dating, and doing the same thing you’ve always done isn’t one of them. First, if you’re currently single, try looking for dates outside your usual type. Think about the characteristics that your exes have in common, and then avoid them like fish on a half-priced buffet. All high-powered types? Date a poet. All unemployed, sleep ’till noon, living with mom types? Date an MBA.

Second, if you’re in a relationship and you’re not ready to scrap it and start over, try responding to your same-old-same-old issues in a new way. Stop giving your girlfriend “The Mooch” money for acrylic nails. And, the next time your time-challenged date leaves you fuming at Frank’s House of Clams, leave after ten minutes. (Get a to-go order though, there’s no reason you should starve)

Stop crying in your soup when your guy cheats on you with lunchroom lady for the umpteenth time. Kick him to the curb. Don’t suffer through the same problems, feeling the same way, and doing the same thing. Do something.

The key to surviving Groundhog Dating is in changing. You can either change how you respond to the issues in your relationship, or you can change who you date. Simple as that.

Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat your mistakes.
Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat your mistakes.
Otherwise, you’re doomed to repeat your mistakes.

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Dating Expert Lisa Daily is the author of the bestselling dating book, Stop Getting Dumped!

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