I’m Divorced But Ready to Get Back Into The Game. Help?

Gary from Hamilton asks…Lava365 Ask the Expert

I got divorced last year and am ready to get back out there and try again. I feel a little old for the club scene and don’t know where to start to meet a girl looking for a guy my age. Help?


Hey there Gary!

My condolences or congratulations, depending on how you are viewing it.  Either way, getting back out there into the field can be tough.  I mean, the last time you dated there probably weren’t even cell phones, and the internet was nascent.

Not only that but trends, modus operandi and goals have shifted.  It can definitely be a struggle to figure out where to start.

The first thing may sound simple, but many people overlook it or think it’s not important: Remember what you like.  What makes you happy?  Camping?  Cooking?  Woodworking?  Reinvest some more time into these.  You can find groups through MeetUp.com or other groups around where you live.

First off, this is going to get you back into enjoying life.  When you are doing something you enjoy doing, your body language opens, you are more at ease, it’s easier for you to talk to people.  Even if there is no one cute in your group, everyone has friends, siblings, coworkers that they would love to introduce to this, “Really interesting, fun guy I met at…”

Secondly, you’re going to have to push yourself to open up to new experiences as well.  And this can be the hardest, as it can be uncomfortable.  But remember this: If you change nothing, nothing will change.  Change, by definition, is uncomfortable.  It’s okay to feel that, but don’t let it hamper you getting out there.

Try online dating.  It is definitely not stigmatized that way it used to be.  Don’t look at it as the end-all and be-all of dating, just look at it as another forum in which to meet people.  Sometimes if you live in a rural area, it can be hard to just MEET people.

There are your normal sites, but there are also many niche sites like Date A Farmer, Geek 2 Geek or Divorced People Meet.  I recommend joining at least two if you have the ability:  1 “normal” one and one more specific to your likes.

Lastly, you need to start practicing again.  Talking to people, no matter where there are, is going to help you feel more at ease in the dating world again.  DO go out to bars and clubs, or for a little older scene, hotel bars and music clubs.  Don’t go in there with the goal of meeting someone; go in with the goal to talk to as many people as you can.

Start small, say three.  It will help give you a “crash course” in what’s up out there.  After all, you DO want to be ready when the right girl comes across your path!  Anywhere you find yourself: coffee shop, in line, at work, shopping- try and strike up a little conversation with people.

Again, your goal is just to talk.  After a while, you’ll become more comfortable speaking to people and in your own self-worth (which can get a little shaken after a divorce) that people will be drawn to you and that, my friend, is when you realize that you are the prize that deserves all that is out there!

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