I’m an Alpha Woman and Don’t Want to Change for a Guy

Yuliah from New Jersey asks…Lava365 Ask the Expert

I’m a take charge kind of girl and have no problem approaching guys. I’ve been told in the past (by someone I’m obviously no longer dating) that I can be a little intimidating and that guys think it’s a turn off. I don’t want to change for a guy, especially one I haven’t even met, but also don’t want to scare guys off. What should I do?

Hey Yuliah! I have a friend who’s great looking, very personable and very single. Why? She’s a little intimidating, like you. And, when I’ve talked to her about it she says exactly what you say, “I don’t want to change for a guy.” I shoot back, “So you won’t expect him to change for you either, not even a little?” She’s less than positive about that.

It comes down to this: What’s more important, maintaining your intimidating style or being connected to a guy? Of course you want both. So far that has not worked.  The problem is that most guys are not overflowing with confidence, even if they try hard to appear like the Man of Steel.

So, your choice, tone it down a bit—you don’t need to get a personality transplant—and help your guy feel like The Man, or come to terms with searching among a smaller pool of men, those that can handle your style.

Now, if you tell me that being “a little intimidating” is central to your being and it is hard-wired, you’re not going to be happy faking it, at least not for long. But I’ve found with a lot of people, men and women, “intimidating” is not hard-wired. Consider looking into that, maybe you can tone it down a bit without losing your identity.

In fact, it may not only boost your connection possibilities,  it may also help you discover more about yourself. Rather than losing something, you may gain something. 

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