I Moved in With My Girlfriend of 3 Years. Was it Too Soon?

couple unpackingKevin from Markham asks:

“After 3 years together, my girlfriend and I decided to move in together. I cleared out a guest room for her things but we share the same bed. I still see her as one of my best friends and I think I might’ve done this to please her. Should I do some kind of tests to make sure this was the right step for us? I’m a little nervous this was too soon, and now a bit guilty for having to ask for advice…”

That’s definitely a tough position you have put yourself in Kevin.

The reality is that tests won’t matter if deep inside you don’t feel like you’re ready for this. You have to get to the root of the issue.

So in my opinion, the better approach is to address why you feel this way. What has you thinking that this may have been too soon? As tough as it may be, being honest with yourself and with her is necessary to truly resolve this. You can choose to run from it, find ways around it, but it will likely create more issues in the long run.

Many times what appears to be a quick fix is simply a method to buy time for a bigger disaster. So speak to her openly and with love. Take a moment to self reflect and truly embrace how you feel about things. She may have an initial bad reaction, but remain positive and honest. We can’t expect her to like what she is hearing but it is better than creating confusion when she senses something isn’t right with you and this relationship (trust me she will pick up on it, even if she doesn’t speak on it).

You can’t avoid a mountain that you obviously need to climb. So take a deep breath, take a positive approach, and remember that communication is key.

Stephan

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  • Ambi

    Do you love her as more than a bestfriend, but as a wife? You should have married her first before moving in together. Anyway, as Stephen said, be honest with her and do not play games with her heart.

    • CArlyK

      Wouldn’t he be in the same predicament if he married her and still felt like it was too soon? Nowadays, moving in first is a great test to see if it’s worth a long term commitment. Kevin, if you’re looking for a test, buddy you’re already doing one!
      Don’t add any more pressure to the situation and just enjoy the time you have with her without judging her every move. If things don’t work out and tensions build, then break it off. Make adult decisions and see what’s worth the long term approach or not. Good luck :)

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