What do I mean by “efficiently”? I mean dating to uncover maximum compatibility with minimum time and effort. It benefits neither of you to spin your wheels with someone you haven’t got a snow ball’s chance in Hell of lasting with. If your mission in dating is to lead to a long-term intimate relationship, this article is for you.
1) Don’t Try to be Impressive
“Eden, how am I going to get their attention if they’re not impressed with me?”
It’s simple. Be authentic – let THAT be the impression. If your date is comfortable with who you are from day-to-day, then they’re much more likely to want more. If you put on a “representative” because you think your date will like that better – you may very well be right.
So what are you going to do when they expect you to keep it up? And more importantly, how are they ever going to get to know the real YOU if you never show it to them? For example, don’t wear makeup to date if you don’t wear makeup every day. Don’t splurge on an outing you can’t normally afford.
In short, don’t start out saying or doing things that will come back to bite you later. Stay true to yourself and have fun doing it. You’ll be surprised how many like that much better than you might think.
2) Date During the Daylight Hours
Stop making your first dates full blown productions of dinner, dancing, movies, etc. Do brunch instead – maybe an outdoor festival; a walk to show your date places that are meaningful to you and explain why; a stop on a park bench to read to eachother from books that are important to each of you and explain why. See eachother where you can actually see eachother. Enjoy eachother in the sun or at least during the light of day. Then you both know much better if any physical chemistry you have has potential to last.
3) Keep It Short and Casual
Leave yourself some room to grow; some place to progress to. Show them how well you “clean up” later! That way, when you do clean up, it’s a bonus to the YOU they’ve already learned to like. If you’re compatible, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to show your photo-shoot-fabulous or your knee-weakening-smooth. And if you’re not compatible, why waste it? Anticipation is a wonderful thing. Always leave room to look forward to more. Don’t blow your best efforts on the first few dates.
If you do, everything else will just be a letdown. Instead, start with an hour at your favorite coffee bar or do a couple of hours at your favorite restaurant brunch. Keep it simple. Plant fun seeds and watch the happy grow.
4) Don’t Dump Your Dismal Relationship History on Your Date
There are few things less sexy to your date than listening to you verbally vomit about all the reasons why your previous partners were less than “desirable”. That shouldn’t even be a discussion topic before you decide to pursue something long-term. Until you have a discussion about becoming more permanent – not when you assume they are exclusive to you – leave the relationship autopsy off the table. If you talk about it at all, don’t go out of your way to make your ex look like a dung heap – even if they were.
Take your share of the responsibility.
Say something like, “I didn’t choose well previously because I just didn’t know myself then like I do now. I’m just happy we’re both able to move on and live well in our separate directions.” It’s not a lie; it’s not a litany of blaming someone else. It’s factual and it will demonstrate your growth in the aftermath of heartbreak . . . way sexy!!
5) Be Safe but Stealth
Finally, it’s OK to keep a close friend posted about where you are, who you’re with and when you expect to be home. Safety is paramount and should be maintained at all times. However, you can do that by text!! It is a total turnoff to show up for your date with friends. It’s just not a good look! It will only make your date defensive – IF they actually stick around. So only bring friends if you’ve cleared it ahead of time or you’re actually trying to get rid of your date.
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