How do I Tell my Girlfriend I’m Not Ready to Settle Down?

Anthony from Toronto asks…Lava365 Ask the Expert

 My gf of 6 months is already looking to settle down more seriously than I do. She’s a bit fragile and sensitive, what should I say to make sure she doesn’t stay in cloud 9? I like her a lot but I’m still a young guy and don’t see myself doing anything serious for another few years when I have my career all set in stone.


Dear Anthony,

Honesty is the foundation of a healthy relationship and this situation is no exception. If you rush into something you’re not ready for, chances are somewhere down the road things will fall apart. Regardless of age or career status it is important that the relationship move at a pace that you are comfortable with.

Because you say she is sensitive, it is important to emphasize the fact that you’re happy in the relationship and that, although you are not ready for anything too serious like moving in together, you are willing to make some compromises in the name of the relationship.

Maybe that means you give her a copy of your key. Maybe you set aside certain nights of the week to be your “date night”.

If you are not willing to budge an inch, maybe you’re not ready for a serious relationship. You need to really think about what it is you’re willing to sacrifice and whether or not the two of you are in the right place and time to make things work.

Whatever the direction you proceed to communicate, ensure you build a safe and loving space to have the conversation, there is no need for either of you to feel rejected or frustrated.

Whether this is the woman you plan on being with long-term or your paths may need to end due to different expectations, how you handle the conversation is going to be very telling of your character and maturity as a man.

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