How do I Know if my Breakup was a Mistake?

Erik from London asks…How do I know if my breakup was a mistake?

A few weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend. I sort of had a panic attack and just thought we were moving too fast and everything was happening too soon. She was talking about living together and how we would get married one day and all this. Ever since I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her and think I made a big mistake. She was really mad at me and cried a lot when it all happened and I don’t know what to do now. How can I get her back?


Hi Erik!

First and foremost, are you sure you really want her back? In my expert opinion, I believe this is a classic case of Dumpers Remorse; when the shock of the breakup causes momentary confusion. This can happen sometimes, especially if you have been dating for some time. How do I know? You call it a panic attack; I call it listening to your gut.

Our intuition is a gift designed to protect us and give us internal guidance when we need it. Relationships are built on intimacy, communication and an innate trust with the other person. If there is something missing, our subconscious comes into play. Perhaps you freaked out because you don’t actually want to be in a committed relationship or your needs aren’t being met, or you have lost interest in general — our initial reaction is often correct.

But if you are sure you want to get her back, the first thing you have to do is truly figure out why you ended things, and have an honest conversation with her. If she is being too pushy, tell her. If you need more time for yourself, explain that. You get the gist. Really clarify what your issue is before you expect an open invitation back into her life again.

On and off again relationships are usually a recipe for disaster because the initial problem was neither address nor fixed to begin with, and you end up breaking up for the same reason you did in the first place. Good luck!

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