Guys – now that you’ve got her attention; you want to have a few good conversation starters up your sleeve to keep her interested. In the world of online dating, it’s important to have what I call a great “communication game plan.”
It feels like we’re all part of a game online, so to up your dating game, let’s lead with great conversation starters that get your feet quickly past the proverbial front door.
The thing about good communication is that it’s got to flow. It can’t seem canned or rehearsed. Even online you can experience awkward silences or above average wait times when you pose a question, or engage in a topic that she’s not interested in.
Let’s break down some key tips to help you create a personal communication game plan that will help you discover good communication starters that work for you.
Step 1: READ her profile
It almost seems silly for me to remind you, but her profile is full of obvious clues and things you can talk about. I advise you to read her profile including the headline, tagline, In My Own Words, bio, musical taste, hobbies and interests including anything you can find in her main profile photo and photo gallery.
If we start with her headline, there could be something in her name you can ask about or comment on. A lot of online profile headlines and tag lines say a lot about what she is passionate about and can offer insight as to her personality. A great question to ask is, “I really like your profile name; what’s the story behind it?”
As you browse her profile photo or gallery photo, you can ask about where she was when she took the photo, or ask about something her clothing, fashion sense, style, accessories or shoes which stand out. All too often men make the obvious comment of how “sexy, pretty, stunning or physically attractive” she is – she’s hearing enough of this already.
If you were to say, “I really like the red dress you were wearing in your gallery photo. I think it would really complement my new blue suit if I ever got the opportunity to take you out. What other fun colors are in your closet?” Be sure you ask questions which are open-ended and cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” answer. Good conversations starters are meant to do just that – start a conversation.
Step 2: Break it down into sections.
I’m a very curious person and am naturally inquisitive. There’s no shortage of questions I could ask someone when it comes to learning more about them. How did I get good at this? It took years of practice, thousands of questions and a whole lot of trial and error.
You have to have a willingness and the sincere desire to get to the bottom of things; find out more about this person who has expressed interest in you or who has your interest. Good conversation starters begin with a curiosity and a genuine interest in learning more about the other person.
If you’re having trouble, try to categorize your conversations into topics to which you can relate. Here are a few quick categories you can start conversations with:
- Family and friends – How many siblings? How close is she to her family? Family traditions? What does she do on her girls night out?
- Work and career – What does she do exactly? How much does she enjoy it? Is she interested in doing something different?
- Vacation & travel questions – Where was their last vacation? Where would they want to go? What were her best/worst vacation spots? What would she recommend? Where would she like to go to next?
- Dreams and goals – What is she passionate about? What dreams does she have?
- Lifestyle – spare time activities – What type of lifestyle does she lead? How does she handle stress?
- Food – What is her favorite food? What is her favorite restaurant? What doesn’t she like? What would she like to try that she hasn’t yet? What is she afraid to try?
- Special skills and hidden talents – Is there something she’s really good at or proud of? Is there something she wants to try or improve on? What’s a major life accomplishment both personally and professionally?
- Movies and entertainment – When was her last time out at the movies? What types of movies/shows does she like to watch? If she could be on a reality show, what would it be? If she could interview 3 of her favorite celebrities, who would they be and why?
Step 3: Have a list of questions ready.
When I first got into the dating business, I probably had a list of about 5-10 common questions I would pose to singles. I would find out more about their dating and love life in order to get a better sense of who they were, what they wanted and what they were looking for.
Years later, that list has grown to the hundreds of questions stored in my brain, ready to use when the opportunity presents itself. I suggest you start to do the same. Whenever you get the chance, write down as many questions you can come up with, and then practice with family, co-workers or willing friends. When you ask a question in the form of a scenario, it makes it more interesting.
Here are some examples:
- If you were alone on an island and could bring 3 people with you, who would they be and why?
- If you had your own magic genie, what would your three wishes be?
- If you could cure one universal sickness, which disease would you cure?
- If you won the lottery, what’s something you wouldn’t do?
- If you could have a major “do-over”, what would it be and why?
- If you could be one person for a day, who would it be and what would you do?
These sort of questions force her to get creative and can really reveal a lot about her character, values and personality traits. When you engage in this type of conversation, it’s almost like playing a game of trivia. This is why I dub it as having a good communication game plan! Now that you’ve got a few good conversation starters; what are you waiting for? Get online, and start your conversations. Get flirty, but relate your messages back to her and have original conversations.
With a great communication game plan, you will be taking those online conversations offline and in real time before you know it!