Getting Cold Feet in a Relationship
Normally, the term “cold feet” comes up when you’re talking about pre-wedding jitters. But new couples can get cold feet too, especially if they’ve been single for a while or if they’ve been badly hurt in the past. What you might not realize is that you can get cold feet even if you’re crazy about your new partner. That’s because it’s a self-defense mechanism. Our brains instinctively avoid change, and a new relationship is a big change.
Below are five symptoms of cold feet, and how to treat them.
1. You’re texting your ex
Even if you no longer have feelings for your ex, you find yourself contacting them more than usual. It might be innocent, but you’re hiding these messages from your partner and feeling pretty guilty about it.
What to do: This is an easy one – stop. Delete their phone number, unfriend them on Facebook, and just remove all methods of easy communication. This kind of self-sabotage isn’t good for anyone.
2. You’re starting to pick fights
And not about anything important, either. These fights are about the stupid little things, like the fact that she likes cats instead of dogs, or the way he says “hello” when he answers the phone. This is your subconscious working against you, trying to push your new S.O. away. It will probably work if you keep it up long enough.
What to do: The next time you find yourself getting annoyed, count to ten before speaking. If after ten seconds, it no longer seems worth arguing about, then it probably isn’t.
3. Your sheets are getting cold
In the beginning, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other! But now, things are starting to fizzle. That’s pretty normal in most relationships, but in this case, it could be your way of avoiding intimacy.
What to do: Rekindle the spark by taking a weekend trip together, or making time for a romantic date night to remind yourself how much you love spending time together.
4. You’re isolating your relationship from your life
Have you introduced your S.O. to your friends yet? If you’re experiencing cold feet, the answer is probably no. By keeping your relationship separate from the rest of your life, you’re not really embracing the relationship as part of your life – and keeping your partner at a distance to boot.
What to do: Invite your friends over for a party, let everyone finally meet, and see what happens. Chances are your friends will approve, which will make you feel more comfortable in your new relationship.
5. You’re avoiding your S.O.
You purposely don’t text back right away, don’t check it, or don’t call when you know you should. Your cold feet are making you pull away, even if you don’t mean anything by it. This sort of behaviour is rude, annoying, and will definitely make your partner question your commitment.
What to do: Think about how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Probably not very good, right? So don’t do it.