You signed up for online dating (hopefully Lavalife!) and came across a profile that catches your eye. After exchanging some messages and going back-and-forth, you’ve now decided that the spark just isn’t there. But, you’re not sure how to ditch your fizzling online dating match without causing hurt feelings. Well, friend, here’s how to get out of the situation. It comes down to being upfront, honest and confident in your approach.
Depending on how long you’ve been in communication, and exactly how far your communication has gone, you’ll probably want to write more (or less) in your departing message. Since you met online and have been exchanging messages online (presumably, at least) it’s completely fine to end the relationship in the same fashion. If you’ve met offline or have been talking on the phone, however, your match might be deserving of a slightly more thorough explanation than a quick IM.
If you’re going to say “see ya” through an online message, keep it brief and straight to the point. There’s no reason to preface the message with a long recount of your dating history or how you’ve come to the decision. Simply letting the person know that you’ve realized the relationship is not right for you, and not something you’d like to continue pursuing, is enough. Wish them the best of luck with their continued search for “the one” and move on. Chances are you’re not the first to send this kind of message, probably not even to the recipient, so you should not feel bad!
If you’ve been in slightly more complex conversation than instant messages or private messages, consider a quick phone call or a lengthier message. It’s still recommended to be straight to the point and honest, but you have invested some time into this person – and they into you – so send them off in the right way. Simply IMing them “Sorry changed my mind. Bye” isn’t going to cut it. Think to yourself, how would you like to be let down?
The last part to ditching the fizzling match is to understand that you do not need to justify your decision or continue on the conversation. If they write you back asking for more information or clarification, don’t feel obligated to respond. In fact, responding may even give them false hope and prolong the goodbye. It’s best for both of you to move on to the next one. After all, you’ve likely chosen to try online dating because you’re tight on time and don’t want to waste it on the wrong person. So, don’t feel like you need to waste any more time on a match that isn’t going anywhere.
Whatever you do, please don’t just disappear off the face of the Earth and avoid a fizzling match at all costs. Be confident in your decision, communicate it clearly and then get on with your online search. You would want the same from someone you were interested in, so it’s only right that you treat others in that same way.
Have you ever started chatting with someone online only to realize you’ve changed your mind about the person?