Cougar Life: Dating Younger Men

The GraduateAre you a cougar, or would you like to be?

The word “cougar” is used to describe women who date younger men. Typically, dating a man at least 5-7 years younger makes you a cougar. Some women laugh at the term, while others feel that it’s demeaning.

However you feel about it, the cougar life is here to stay.

Other women or family may judge you for being with a much younger man, while others may applaud you. Frankly, if it works for the two of you, go for it. Does it matter what other people think?

Mary is a 44-year-old woman who’s dating Dan, a 29-year-old man. They’ve been dating for a few months, and they get along very well. They have amazing, frequent sex, and they are always exploring new places and trying new things together.

It sounds like a great relationship, but Mary knows there are several pros and cons to dating a younger man, and she takes the good with the not so good. Dan is in college and not yet established career-wise, so Mary pays for most of their dates. However, before college Dan was an auto mechanic and handyman, so he takes care of Mary’s 10-year-old car and does all her home repairs and improvements. The trade-off works for them.

Let’s look at what to expect if you get into the cougar life.

*Disclaimer: these tendencies will not apply to every man.*


Often, twenty- and thirty-something men can have sex more often in one day than forty-something men, with firmer erections and less erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Usually, the younger the man, the more frequent the sex. His sex drive is more aligned with yours. Men peak sexually at a much younger age than women do.

Mary has found that Dan’s libido is almost identical to hers, even down to their favorite time of day for sex.

An old joke says that sleeping with a younger man is better because you can train him the way you want him. It’s true. Younger men are eager to learn, and you may be teaching him things he doesn’t know. He is more likely to wear a condom than an older man is, as he grew up knowing about safe sex.

However, the younger men may not be as accomplished at sex as older men are, and they may not be as focused on giving you pleasure. It all depends on his maturity level. Keep in mind that immature younger men may be out for sex only, so knowing his intentions will avoid confusion. Sleeping with an older woman is a status enhancer for younger men, so he looks like a stud to his friends, which can be a powerful motivator.

If all you want is a sexual fling or a casual relationship, dating a younger man can be a good choice.


Younger men are often more interested in having fun than older men are. They have more energy and curiosity about new things.

They may not want a relationship, however. Having fun may be all they want, so be aware of that going in. They may not be in the head space to make future plans or think long-term. Mary and Dan have decided that they don’t want to take their relationship past a casual level until Dan finishes college and finds a job.

However, they also don’t plan to date others.

On the other hand, some younger men are ready to commit to a relationship and might pursue you. You need to know where your mind is and what you’re looking for when it comes to dating younger men.


When it comes to money, younger men are more likely to spend it on having fun than older men are. Younger men may not be established in their careers and may not have as much money as older men.

However, some younger men expect the woman to pay her share, and some may even expect you to foot the bill if you have more money than they do. Decide what you are comfortable with money-wise, and act accordingly.

The cougar life isn’t for every woman, but if you know the pitfalls and wish to navigate through them, you can create a fulfilling, fun, and exciting relationship, whether you keep it casual or take it to a serious level.

Lavalife About Lavalife is one of the original players in the online dating game. Committed to helping its members find fun dates and relationships, Lavalife is a prime source for online dating, dating and relationship advice.

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