Do take the time to pamper yourself and heal, it’s an important part of the moving on process- But once you’ve licked your wounds and gotten bit of distance, there comes a time when you should reflect.
Think of what went right, what went wrong, and consider how you want to move forward and create a positive path to a healthy new relationship. Here are 5 self empowerment mantras to get yourself ready and excited about the possibility of new love.
1. Love Yourself First!
When I say “love yourself first,” I don’t mean it in the ‘no one else matters’ or ‘the world should bow down and cater to your whims’ sort of way. What I mean is that you need to love and accept yourself first, in order to fully accept and really receive love from others.
Loving yourself means no matter what your relationship status is you aren’t relying on someone else to give you your sense of worth and a value. The partners in your life should be an enhancement to the awesome stuff you already have going on in your life, not the center of your universe.
Love yourself unconditionally, love your faults, foibles and when you do….when you really do, the right person is going to see that beaming out of you and love you right back.
2. Go on Dates to Have Fun & Without Expectations!
Don’t go to any date with the expectation that this is “the one.” It might be, it could be, but never walk in the restaurant, bar or café assuming it is. Dates are meant to be a casual meet & greet to see if there are sparks that could lead to something more. You goals on a first date are to:
- Have fun
- Meet a new person
- Be present and open to getting to know the person in front of you
Weighing that first date down with any other expectations just sets you up for disappointment and is frankly stressful for everyone.
If you approach a first date with a “please love me!” vibe, a guy that could possibly be a good match will most likely be scared off by the desperation oozing off of you. Relax, have fun and enjoy the conversation.
If more is meant to happen, it will. Don’t force the situation. You’re unique and special, so finding the right person to match your awesome is going to take time, but I know you can be patient for something that good.
3. Be True to Who You are and Never Compromise That for Anyone…Ever
You are a perfect you. There is no one else like you and it will take a special person to be a good fit. I know that sometimes it’s easier to settle, to think this guy or that relationship is “good enough,” but you deserve better than that.
If you date someone that asks you to change or mute some part of what is uniquely you, I urge you to think twice about continuing on in that relationship. You want a person in your life that revels in who you are, someone who gets a charge out of what you bring to the relationship and who also inspires you with their unique qualities.
4. Be the Kind of Partner You’re Looking for
It’s easy to point fingers when you look back at old relationships and dating flops. It’s much more convenient to say that there is something wrong with the dating pool, instead of looking inward. But who and what is “out there” is only part of the puzzle. The next time you find yourself saying something like “why do all the men I date do that?”
Ask yourself what you’re putting out there and if it might actually be inviting that unwanted behavior in. When you really take a hard look at yourself, are you presenting a package that truly reflects and attracts the kind of person you want in your life?
If you don’t like what is being reflected back to you in the form of your dating prospects, consider the message you are putting out there.
5. You Teach People How to Treat You
You learn something from everyone you meet. Sometimes they are fun lessons, sometimes they are hard lessons- but trust me, every relationship comes with lessons. Never under-estimate the value of what can be learned from the people that enter your life.
Romantic relationships in particular provide you with the opportunity to be close to someone and share your most intimate moments, emotions and thoughts. You get to open up to another person in intensely personal and profound ways and fully be you.
Use your romantic relationships as an opportunity to clarify your needs and express what is important to you. You teach people how treat you and if you teach them that your feeling and needs don’t matter, then that is how they are going to treat you.
Whereas if you teach them that you matter through what you say, paired with consistency in your actions, then they will understand your position and that you deserve respect and love. They will also understand that there are things that are unacceptable to you, things you don’t allow in your life and they will know what is required to be with you.
So with all of this learning going on, be sure to look for a good “study partner” in your close romantic relationships. Find someone open to change, growth and communication. That kind of self empowerment is what’s going to give you a great chance at having a long-lasting healthy relationship.
Healing a broken heart is never easy, but remember that you have control over how you handle a break-up and also how you decide to move forward. You are not at the mercy of whoever has broken your heart. It’s up to you to arm yourself with a clear vision of who and what you are willing to invite into your life.
So put that spoon and remote down and get ready for a whole new level of love.
Lavalife.com is one of the original players in the online dating game. Committed to helping its members find fun dates and relationships, Lavalife is a prime source for online dating, dating and relationship advice.