What’s up, sexy?
You must be tired because you’ve been running around my mind all day!
If you’ve ever sent someone an e-mail like the ones above, then you know the outcome: crickets.
No respectable woman (assuming that’s who you’re going for) wants to receive an e-mail that not only shows that you didn’t read her profile, but also turns her into a piece of meat rather than acknowledging the real person she is.
I made up the lines above, but below are real, unedited e-mails that female clients of mine have received on various online dating sites, which were appalling and certainly not the right way to get someone to respond favorably:
- Your profile caught my eye and I am a little embarrassed to tell you why. You look just like.. You look like the mom next door, but I can’t help but think you’re super naughty. It is really hot. You are innocent and sweet looking, but it is like you are thinking something less than pure in your head. I don’t know why I got that feel, but I did. It just makes me think you are very sexy milf! haha Okk, sorry! That was too forward! hah
- Wow ok.. So u probably get alot of bull crap messages so I’m just going to be real. I would like to know u and take u out lol. U wanna know more about me, write me hope to hear from soon
- Shut up and let me take u out
- Too bad for me that I am married!!!!
- Hello there, you’re very pretty! I wish you were my girlfriend!
These are bad, and I hope I don’t have to explain why. Now that we’ve gotten what not to do out of the way, let’s look at 5 creative ways to get girls to message you back:
5. Speak Like a Human
Ok, this one admittedly isn’t very creative, but it is necessary. Please check for grammar and punctuation… and don’t use “text speak.” If you want to say “you,” then write it out rather than using “u” instead.
It’ll go further than you think.
4. Make Sure She Knows You Read Her Profile
This is another boring one, I know, but it’s important that you don’t just comment on her “cute smile.” Rather, comment on how she totally killed your time in the marathon or how impressive it is that she actually practiced the piano when she was little, unlike someone you know (aka you).
3. Use a Quirky or Creative Subject Line
Would you rather answer an e-mail with “Enjoyed your profile” or “Alien invasion – take cover” as the subject line? Unless you’re actually concerned about aliens (or don’t like people with a sense of humor), then I’m guessing you’d choose the latter: So will she.
Another fun one I saw recently was, “Tell your boss to give you a raise” to a woman who was self-employed.
2. Always End Your Email with a Fun Question
Not fun: “How are you enjoying the weather these days?”
Fun: “So your friends say you’re loyal, funny, and adventurous… awesome. But what I want to know is: How would your enemies describe you? ;-)”
Another fun one: “Ok, I love the fact that chocolate chip cookies were listed as the first thing on your ‘can’t live without’ list. Now, I have a very important question for you: Crunchy or chewy?”
1. Tease Her in a Way That Makes Her Want to Tease You Back
“I see that you’re a Red Sox fan. Hmm… that doesn’t bode well for us considering I love my Yankees. It’s a good thing you also mentioned that you like an IPA and Scotch. Redeemed!
“You dislike sushi? Ok, I’m going to have to work on that one with you. We won’t start out with eel or anything raw. Deal?”
Obviously, no one can ever guarantee that your e-mail will receive a response, but if you follow these tips rather than your usual “Sup, yo?” e-mail, then you’re at least off to a good start into online dating bliss.