Have you ever heard the saying, “ pick your battles”? Is it more important to work it out, or is it more important to be right or win? Have you witnessed abusive traits that you now carry into your own personal relationships?
Are you scared of being abandoned? Do you feel like you can’t trust anyone unless you are in their sight? I find that RIDICULOUS relationship boundaries, which are boundaries that aren’t healthy or beneficial to your relationship, will only serve to toss it down the tubes quicker than quick!
Here are a few unhealthy boundaries that should be identified and broken immediately:
1. You Aren’t Their Parent
Most people can’t wait to graduate and go off to college to spread their wings and learn all they can about this big, beautiful, wondrous world! The last thing anyone needs is a partner like their mother or father that they have to give a play-by-play report of their every move.
Your partner should be able to make a decision to go have a beer with his co-workers without you flipping out that he went, or that you weren’t included.
Boundaries are what we use to feel comfortable in our own psychological space, and when someone invades that comfort zone it will cause tension, resentment and anger. Discuss upfront how much togetherness you need, but be flexible and don’t try to control the other person’s every move.
That is trust issues on your part and you need to address it as such.
2. Do Not Become a Private Investigator
Some of you are stalkers in your own relationship! Who wants a relationship that you have to spend every waking minute being interrogated, accused of something, and double-checked on every move?
Often times there will be nothing to find, yet the act of violating someone’s personal space/boundary for privacy can do more damage than actually finding some dirt on them!
Once you have proven you don’t trust them, why would they want to stay in a relationship where they are constantly invaded within their own relationship? You need to decide if you can trust them because unless you have a joint email or social media, stop hacking their accounts- the only thing you will hijack is your relationship!
3. Always Ask if it is Good For Your Relationship
It takes a while to get used to thinking as a couple. Give your mate some time to adjust to life as a “we” instead of “me” because they aren’t used to having to think about the happiness of someone else before their own.
So anytime you are thinking about creating a rule or boundary for your relationship, ask yourself is this good for the “relationship” or does it drive a wedge between us?
Ask yourself why you are creating this need to check in, or get permission or always be present with your mate? Thinking as a “we,” will help you relax and will allow you to break down unneeded boundaries and allow your relationship to develop a deeper bond as a “we.”
4. Be Their Cheerleader
Be their biggest fan! Let your mate know that you are always in their corner and are a supportive, loving and a true friend and someone they can depend on. It’s kind of hard to have a good marriage or relationship when both or one party is only concerned about their own agenda.
It is very important that your spouse know you, have their back, that you trust them and that they can trust you with their life. When you set ridiculous relationship boundaries, it is only because of issues that you already had and carried over into this relationship!
The next time you feel tempted to create a new boundary, ask yourself: is this helping my intimacy, partner, and the over all well-being of the relationship or is it dividing you and putting a wedge between you?