4 Essential Dating Rules that the Gurus Don’t Tell You

Women Talking on Couch You have read every advice book on dating, attended hundreds of relationship seminars and endured years of therapy in order to get a handle on your love life.  Your bookshelves are lined with self-help books from which you can even recite excerpts and quotes- but to no avail, you are still single and have not attracted the right man in your life.

Many of my clients come to me frustrated, stating that they have done so much work on themselves and they still keep striking out in the dating battleground.  So what is going on?

There are several challenges that women encounter when it comes to dating.  Different issues arise based on many variables such as age, family of origin, previous relationships/patterns, living environments and many others.

So the truth of the matter is, not all “dating rules” apply to everyone.  When I coach clients in the field I have them put away the books and feel the difference.  Try throwing away all of the guidelines in your head and instead embody these secret weapons that will help you take action and transform your dating life.

Get Out Of Your Head And Just Do It

Sometimes too much reading and not enough “doing” can really hold you back.  You might have way too many facts and theories swimming in your head that you are forgetting to just be in the moment and have fun.  You know all that you need to know, so it’s time to take action and move past the fears and obstacles that are holding you back.

Get Out Of Your Head And Create Connections

Avoid asking a million questions of the man on a date and share personal stories instead.  This allows a man to really “see” you and creates connection to elicit more exciting conversation between the two of you.

Letting a man know who you are and showing emotions and vulnerabilities will help you connect with him faster. The more you connect on an emotional level, the more someone will want to know you more. Leave your business suit at home!

Get Out Of Your Head And Turn Your Cab Light On

Many times when you are too focused on the results, you forget to be in the moment and you send messages with your body language that you are “closed.”  You need to turn your cab light on and start sending smoke signals to men that you are available and open to talking.

Smile, laugh and make eye contact with men every time you walk into a room.  It’s time to take off the blinders and take notice of who is looking at you.

Get Out Of Your Head And Get Sexy

Sometimes when you are stuck in a rut and have a negative outlook on dating, you turn off your sexual drive and feminine energy.  Remember the art of flirting with your body and pay attention to the messages you give men

Avoid getting placed in the friend zone through the art of sexy conversation. Friends talk about the weather, sports, and politics, so steer clear of those topics. Instead, share things about yourself that reveal more of who you are as a woman.

Also, don’t tell your whole life story to a guy you’re interested in. Always leave him wanting more.  Build mystery and excitement.

Overall, let go of the monkey chatter and theories that are swarming in your head.  It’s time to get out there and implement all that you have learned.  Before you know it, instead of saying “I will,” you’ll be saying, “I do.”

What’s a piece of dating advice you’ve heard one too many times? Leave it in a comment below!

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About Kimberly Seltzer

Kimberly Seltzer
Kimberly Seltzer LCSW is a Therapist, Matchmaker, Image Expert and Dating Coach based in Los Angeles. Kimberly is the owner of Elite Image Makeovers providing image consultation, dating coaching, dating after divorce programs and matchmaking. She is a regular contributor to the Huffington Post Divorce on behalf of Art of Charm and you can see her other articles and videos as an expert on YourTango.com, Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Fox News Magazine and Yahoo Shine.
2 comments
JudyUK
JudyUK

Im 54 years old. Times sure have changed. Meeting people on line is great. Everyone tells you to just go out there and have fun, which I am, I cant help but feel a twinge of saddness when I notice that someone I've gone out with several times, and have a great time with is on line. How many times do you date someone before you pull the plug? I would to have a relationship with someone who is as excited about seeing me, as I am about them. How do I get over that sad feeling and just be ok with it?

theskinnyblonde
theskinnyblonde

I haven't heard it personally, but I've heard it being told too many times - "You'll just know when you meet the right one". I think any relationship takes work, and you have to put in effort to see reward.

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