When I first created my Lavalife profile in 2004, I never thought I’d meet the person I was going to marry.
“I am 53 years old, look younger and I also act younger than I am. I am interested in men older than me but most of the time they seem so elderly to me and look it to me. How do I find an older man that still has the same interest that I do (fitness, travel, activities, walking, swimming, etc.)?”
It’s a challenge for most people trying to figure out what they should write on their online dating profile. You want people to get a true sense of who you are, but often we end up sharing things that are better left to discover in person. Some online dating profiles look like essays or university thesis assignments. When you stumble upon one of those, you really have to be in the mood to sit down and get into it.
“My family tells me I often miss when guys are flirting with me. How do I tell when a guy is interested and how can I encourage more interaction?”
My first piece of advice to you is to stop identifying yourself as someone who “misses flirtations”. If you say this too much it can actually become more of a crutch and then eventually, an excuse. Really, 5 years from now, do you still want to have the reputation of being clueless or do you want to be a woman who tunes in and responds, eventually leading herself to a successful relationship?
Start saying to yourself, ‘I’m going to consistently look for instances where men are flirting with me’. They will start to reveal themselves.
Things you want to start looking for are:
These are some super basic things to start looking for to help you get those blinders off. They don’t necessarily mean he is absolutely flirting with you however, they are all actions that men will exhibit when flirting.
Once you notice he is flirting or you think he might be flirting, shift into active encouragement. Don’t worry about flirting back just yet, just be an active recipient who is charming and receives well from men.
Have fun, that is what flirting is all about!
“How long do you recommend someone wait to start dating after separation and then after a divorce is finalized? Been separated from my husband 2.5 yrs and divorced 6 months. Is there a formula? I heard it depends on how many years married. Is this right?”
This all comes down to personal preference. For some, they won’t even think of going on a date with someone who is separated whereas others don’t have a problem with it at all. Dating someone who is separated doesn’t itself generally cause problems, it is moreso dating someone who is separated-with-no-definite-plans-to-divorce that I see problems arise. You venture into the dangerous waters of getting caught up in the potential of the relationship, not the reality. You end up placing yourself right in the middle of a time of transition.
Separation and divorce are complicated and emotional but so are relationships. Do you want to bring in the unfinished business of your past relationship into a new one or do you want to clean up your past relationship before you move on?
Before getting too involved with someone who is separated, ask them what their exact divorce plans are. If they shuffle around and provide a list of complications then back-off and give the budding relationship some time to breathe.
If you are the one who is separated, then it really doesn’t matter how long you’ve officially been separated, it matters more that you are living separately and leading separate lives. And most importantly, you are gathering the paperwork and putting together the plan to divorce. This will put the person you are dating at ease because they know it is only a matter of waiting a year before a divorce can be finalized.
There is no formula and it doesn’t matter how long you were married. Many people emotionally separate long before they physically move out.
Whether it takes you a nerve-wracking couple of hours to prepare – or you just throw yourself together – you need to remember that a first date is not a major life event. Sure, you could be meeting the love of your life but more likely you are not. From my experience and from the thousands of singles that have shared their dating stories with me, the avid dater in search of a “keeper” will go on many first dates! Better to relax and enjoy the ride. Be sure to also read up on our first date do’s and don’ts.
Tip 1 – Have fun and smile a lot!
The first rule of thumb is to always have a positive attitude and to have fun in every situation. Smiles are contagious, and men often comment about a woman’s smile. It is a very attractive quality for men, because it all boils down to what makes him feel good. Ladies: Knowing that a smile is important, I would do whatever I could to highlight and showcase that beautiful smile. Great oral hygiene is a must! I would absolutely recommend teeth whitening for women who smoke. There is nothing less attractive than staring into someone’s mouth and noticing discolored teeth or smelling bad breath.
Tip 2 – Show confidence
All of our dating research identifies feeling good about yourself, being confident and comfortable in the dating arena as highly important. You can build confidence by working on the skills and areas you need to improve. Maybe you are a bit shy and need to work on better communication skills or asking more questions. It could be that you talk too much and have to learn to be quiet and avoid interrupting. As a woman who is full of ideas and used to doing a lot of talking, that’s something I am constantly working on. Genuinely feeling good about yourself means that you are doing all the things that make you feel good, and you can’t be attractive to a man when your own self-worth needs improvement.
Tip 3 – Feel pretty
Men are very visual creatures and they like feminine women. It’s always safer to select an outfit that leans towards a “feminine and fun” look rather than one that’s too conservative or overtly sexual. You don’t have to expose everything on your first date to make him interested, and a lot of men have confessed how they undress women and imagine what’s under their clothes. It makes it more mysterious and exciting.
If you take the time to feel pretty, men will appreciate that and notice you for making the effort. Be cautious not to drown yourself in strong perfume as some people have allergies or are put off by certain scents. Maybe you want to treat yourself to a new lipstick or lip gloss or buy a new mascara to highlight those beautiful eyes! Wearing the right amount of makeup is important to making a good impression on your first date as well. Ask a beauty consultant at your local drug store or department store for tips on colors that match your skin tone and personality.
Tip 4 – Relax
Lots of women admit to being very nervous before a date. They tend to be even more anxious if it has been a long time since they’ve been on a date or if it’s a date with someone they’re very excited about. Try not to set yourself up for failure and keep your expectations in check. A great way to relax before a date is to do something stress-relieving. Depending on the time of the date, you may want to go to the gym or treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure. Schedule a massage or relax at home and read a self-help book. Listen to some calm music or do some yoga.
The intention is to not overwhelm yourself playing out the date, planning everything you are going to say and do like it’s dress rehearsal for opening night. Be as comfortable and natural as possible. Don’t try to take on too many extra things before date night. Only do activities that are fun and stress-free to invite relaxation.
Tip 5 – Don’t talk too much
Ladies: first dates are not counseling sessions. He’ll think you have a loose screw if you spill the beans too soon. Do not engage in deep relationship conversation or anything negative for your first date! Keep it light, keep your focus on asking great questions and taking an interest in what your date likes. Men love attention. Be a better listener than storyteller.
Dating can be a fun and rewarding experience if you allow it to be. Appreciate the opportunities and take each date as chance to practice becoming a better dater and more attractive person. That way, you will be on your way to finding, meeting and keeping the one!